Although as a Jehovah Witness, Prince didn't celebrate Christmas, eight months since his death and the first one without him, my Christmas will be painfully lonely without him.
In the 8 months that
have passed since Prince died, like all the Purple Family across the
world, I still haven't come to terms with him not being here any
more. 2016 has honestly been one of the worst years of my life (and
I've gone through many notable dark years). To lay all my stresses
on Prince leaving us would be unfair... A few other special people in
my life also passed away this year, I've been betrayed by people I
thought would never let me down, had to battle the neighbour from
hell and other dramas that I won't go into because this is ALL ABOUT
PRINCE!
For me, as well as the
pleasure of enjoying his music, drooling over pictures and videos,
funking out at his concerts, Prince has always been the crutch in my
moments of fear and troubles. Through his music I saw light in the
darkness and found hope when the odds were facing me... 8 months gone
and I think I've been through every single emotion possible, in no
particular stage. Although I've learned to hold my tongue and stay
away from the computer keyboard when people trash talk Prince, I'm
still wounded he died alone and cautious of some members of his
inner-circle and so-called buddies. I have days when I drown in his
music, singing, dancing or crying (or all three at once) and days
when I just can't bear to listen to a note. Some days I watch his
videos and reminisce how much joy they brought me, I get so caught up
in my feelings that sometimes, just for a few minutes, I forget he's
gone. Then that reality kicks you right in the heart and it hurts so
bad.
I would say that I'm in
a fleeting stage of acceptance. Some days my heart accepts he's gone
but my head don't and vice-versa. I'll see a picture tribute to
celebrities that have passed this year and wince when I see him among
them or curse if he's not. I brought many tribute magazines after
April 21st but I can't look through one. Besides the Purple Family
online, there's no-one in my life that I can talk to about how I'm
feeling and this grief is a lonely place to be.
Last year in the run-up
to Christmas I was borrowing money from my Prince kitty to get last
minute presents. The UK leg of the Piano & Microphone tour had
been cancelled and I was just praying that I'd be able to put the
money back before they were rescheduled. Never, ever did I
contemplate it would never happen, that Prince would be gone. Prince
was alive, wowing audiences, interacting on social media, teasing and
pleasing us with his mysterious quips and drips of what was going to
come in the future. That's why I still feel that even if he knew his
time was up, he wasn't ready to go.
IMAGES IN THIS ARTICLE ARE NOT OWNED BY ALL ABOUT PRINCE
Losing the best friend
I never met doesn't make me feel like celebrating this Christmas.
However, I don't want to become so warped in grief that I stop
enjoying his music, the special songs that are key moments of my
life. And as these months go by, the bigger the void of Prince not
being here gets. I send love and blessings to all the Purple Family
this Christmas and pray you have people around you that can keep you
out of gloom during the festive season. For those feeling that
Purple loneliness, talk to him. Not with your voice but through your
mind... I believe he's up there watching us all, feeling the love and
if you're love is true and purple (Unlike some fake fans who were
openly attacking Prince and his music on social media before April
21st , yet claim devotion afterwards, but that's another
article for another time), then he'll always be in our hearts and
maybe one day he'll speak back to us.
Love, Peace and
Purpleness
DAMW
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