Purple Reflections - Birthdays Are The Worst Days

For many years, I've always kept my birthdays low-key. I thank God I've seen another year, hope to see another, then jam as much as my energy levels will allow me, to the one and only Prince.

Prince, Deliciously Dreamy in White

By the time I reached my late teens, I had reluctantly accepted that one of Prince's aides weren't going to surprisingly pick me up and whisk me off to a secret private location to be exclusively serenaded by Prince on my birth date. However, in the mix of hope, fantasy and dreams, I envisioned a successful career would lead me to the right connections or a big lottery win would enable me to fulfil that wish. Yeah, I know you're thinking I'm a big dreamer, slightly cuckoo, but that's what the magic of Prince gave me and millions of other fans. BIG dreams. I think it was in 2013 when a £3 million price tag was reported in the press to hire Prince and his band out. Way above my league, but I'm telling you now, had I come into 3 million and a penny, Prince would have been funking up my jam.

I know he's gone...My heart just won't let my brain accept it.

Today is my 42^nd birthday, the first since Prince left his Purple family behind in April, and it's a bleak one. I'm grateful to be here, God knows the last six years of health issues have led me to believe I probably wouldn't, but there's no magic, no dreams or fantasy for me now. Like a child finding out that Santa or the Tooth Fairy doesn't exist, my Purple Fairytale has been extinguished. Yes, I'm being selfish. Yes, I'm too deeply wrapped in my grief for someone I never personally knew but you know what? I'm entitled to be. As a single mother constantly hurdling over life's hiccups, sacrificing opportunities to be the best mother I can be and helping others that probably wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire, my dedication to Prince is the only thing I've ever been selfish about.

August the 5^th would usually start with Uptown (Dirty Mind, 1980), shaking my thang around the house semi-dressed and my youngest child looking at me with embarrassment. I'm uncertain what the Purple Playlist will be today but I'll be kept busy, yet tearful, looking through, editing and posting Prince pictures for Purple Memories – After The Rain. It's Summer, *the sun up in the sky is just-a-shining, but this birthday girl is lost in a Purple Shadow of pain.

*Paraphrasing So Dark, Prince 1994 Warner Bros Records